I know what you are thinking.
I’m attempting the impossible, and I shall surely fail.
It’s okay; I know it. I know that Facebook has a grip on my life that I don’t even really understand, and that’s why I’ve decided to leave. Let me be clear with this: I, in no way, think that this is something EVERYONE should do. I’m not declaring Facebook as the evil internet giant that everyone must escape from or surely perish. But, for me, it has become an idol in my life. It’s something that I must let go based on my own convictions and experiences in my life. I’ll take you on the journey as to how I got to this point. Pop some popcorn and settle in.
I joined Facebook in 2006, shortly after Jackson was born. I had made the transfer from MySpace, and was riding high on how awesome it was to reconnect with old friends and see what everyone was up to. Really, though, I should say how much I liked everyone being connected to me.
I’m not exactly sure when the shift happened. All that I know is that, now, when something happens in my life, my first thought is, “That would be a great status update!”. Ridiculous, right? Instead of just enjoying whatever moment it is, whether it be staring at the lot of my about to built home, or listening to the funny dialogue that escapes my children’s mouth…I’m thinking about Facebook. I’m thinking about how many people might like the picture, or comment on the status, etc. That just doesn’t seem right to me. It seems prideful. It seems full of gloat and pomp. It seems like something I should flee from rather than run to. That’s not the person I want to be perceived as or want to even be. Once, a dear friend said, “Facebook is the highlight reel of people’s lives. No one posts the bad stuff, but we compare ourselves to the good stuff of others.” I’m a mom. I stay at home. I homeschool. I compare myself every single day to those around me. But, I’m using people’s “highlight reels” to compare my own life to. Or, people are using my highlight reel to compare their lives against. Yes, I bake. I homeschool. I’m a generously awesome person with mad skills…but so are YOU. My house is a giant mess all the time; you don’t see me scurrying to clean the background of my living room to take a picture of the kids. You don’t see the meltdowns and anxiety of making glitter seahorses. You don’t see the enormous mess of the kitchen after the mango scones. I’m tired of being perceived as a mom who has it all together; I’m mostly a mess and I want to stand beside you in that. ‘Cause we all are.
Also, communication. While I’ve thought that Facebook has brought me closer to people, I’m beginning to realize that “more friends I talk to” doesn’t mean “more friends I’m closer to”. Facebook has turned into an ocean of inch deep relationships. I would rather have a puddle of mile high relationships. I want to get back to phone calls (remember those?) rather than wall posts. I want to spend more time hearing you rather than trying to perceive what is meant over a computer screen.
So, instead of Facebook, come here. Here is where I will still keep you updated on our life. The blog is my log of our past, and I’m keeping it. It’s become the book of my children, and I’ve neglected it to instead make status updates about them that are gone as soon as they hit the bottom of the page. Instead, I will document their lives for my keepsake, not my glory. You can communicate through comments here or emails or phone calls if you need anything. So, if you are interested in what we are doing, make sure to bookmark this site, because I can no longer link it to Facebook when I do a new post.
So, I can’t delete my account; Facebook won’t let me. I’m deactivating it, and I actually like that. I like being able to hop on if I need to in order to get a phone number or something like that. I don’t know if this is a permanent break or temporary.
*sigh*. Off to do the impossible. It feels good.