Letting go.

6 years ago, I remember walking into Babies R’ Us with an idea in my head of what I thought I would need for a newborn. My first newborn. While most of the things I selected didn’t help much (I seriously think there should be a mentoring program for new moms and those scanner guns…what first time mom KNOWS what they need?!?), this car seat was one of five things I actually used.
6 years ago, I received it as a gift at my shower. I cried. At the time, to say we were “financially strapped” would be an understatement. So to be gifted this thing that I needed for my child but couldn’t afford on my own was too much for my pregnant, hormonally-driven emotions to handle. Over 5 years, it brought these precious cherubs home with me:

So, today I am taking this car seat down to Babies R Us and trading it in. Two times a year, BRU hosts a ‘Trade It In’ event where you can take old baby gear and trade it in for a 25% off coupon towards a new item. London needs a new car seat, so I’m going to trade this in.

I really don’t know why I’m having such a hard time with it! I’m not a pack rat. I don’t hold on to things because “I might need them” or for memories, unless they are super special like coming-home outfits for newborns, etc. I think its hard because all three of my precious babies have walked through our door for the first time in this seat, snuggled up 6 lb balls of wonder and spit-up. I look at it, and I can remember each of those moments (minus London’s, thank to the haze and blackout memory loss due to postpartum depression). I have pictures of each one of them in the hospital, snuggled in their seats, ready to come home. Honestly, its been sitting in our garage for almost a year. Haven’t thought about it once until I decided to part with it.

I must let it go. I know that once its over, I won’t think about the seat again; I know I won’t wonder if I made the wrong choice and beat myself up for giving it away. It’s just a car seat…an old, dirty one at that. I will be bringing home a brand new, cheery, fun one home for my princess.

So, it begins. The slow, sometimes agonizing process of letting a life I’ve known for the past six years (babies! babies everywhere!) slip away. I’m excited for the new roads ahead, but I can’t help but have a little sorrow over my once-upon-a-time babies.